Lasting Damage Read online

  “What?” Chloe stood up, her breath catching in a gasp before she muttered something unintelligible.

  Harper swallowed the bite of chocolate and tossed the rest of her stale cup into the trashcan. She tried to stand up but couldn’t get any traction since Lily had a hand on her belt, forcing her back down on the bench.

  “What is it with all the manhandling you people do?” Harper laughed as she pried Lily’s fingers loose.

  “We should go back in,” Chloe stuttered nervously. “We should check on Alice.”

  “Who’s that with Jane?” Harper stood up moving and watched as Jane took a step away from the car. “That’s not her boss. Her boss is a guy and that’s not a guy.”

  Lily shook her head but didn’t answer. Neither did Chloe.

  “Is it Sarah?” Harper asked, the memory of Alice’s warning fresh in her brain.

  “I didn’t know she…” Lily’s voice faded away as her face flushed with anger. “I texted Jane to tell her about Alice. No one told me about this.”

  “Who is that?” Harper asked, her voice going higher with dread. “One of you needs to tell me.”

  “It’s Robin,” Chloe said, her voice carrying a deep sense of resignation. “I’ve never seen her but Jane said she was going to meet her this morning.”

  “You should’ve told me.” Lily muttered.

  “Come on, Lily.” Chloe motioned for her friend to follow. “Let’s go check on Alice.”

  Harper felt sick to her stomach. She didn’t know if she should run for the hills like the coward she wanted to be, or stay where she was and ask the questions she felt she deserved to ask.

  She didn’t have the chance to make the decision on her own. The car pulled away and Jane turned around. It took her a moment to cross the street and another moment to make eye contact. Harper could tell by the look of surprise on Jane’s face that she hadn’t witness Lily and Chloe’s awkward departure.

  “You’re here,” Jane let out a breath and gave her a grateful smile. “Thank you for helping out.”

  “Riley’s in the room with Alice.” Harper sat back down on the bench and stared straight ahead at the cars pulling into the curved driveway outside the emergency room entrance. “You should probably go in.”

  “Do you know what happened?”

  “She was talking to me,” Harper paused to stand. She was caught in a strange place and didn’t know how to maneuver. Alice said things to her that she refused to believe until faced with them. Alice told her the truth when no one else would, and revealing it felt like a betrayal. “And then she went white and passed out.”

  “So, what are the doctors saying?”

  “Nothing yet,” she said. “Riley’s in there with her but it’s too early to know anything.”

  Jane held out her hand for but Harper didn’t take it. Instead she wrapped one hand around the other wrist and held onto herself for support.

  “He’s waiting for you.”

  “Are you coming?” Jane reached out again but Harper moved away.

  “No.” She shook her head. “I’m going to head back to the studio and start packing.”

  “Packing?”

  “I’m going to finish the album in New York. Maybe take a few weeks off and go to Berlin.” Harper’s mouth moved faster than her brain but once the words were out she knew she’d have to stand behind them and stop letting her heart control everything. “I need to get back to my real life.”

  “Your real life?” Jane took a step back. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means whatever you want it to mean.” Harper stuffed her hands deep into the pockets of her jeans and shrugged.

  “Okay,” Jane paused to toss her coffee cup in the trash, her focus quickly narrowing in on Harper. “Are you going to tell me what the fuck is going on?”

  “Probably not since I’m not the one getting rides with power lesbians, but that’s none of my business since I told the first lie, right?” She ran both hands through her hair and remembered how bad she was at fighting with people. “I mean, you get to do whatever you want since I’m already the bad guy in this situation and I have to stand here and take it.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “Nothing.” Harper turned and headed away from the hospital. “Riley’s waiting for you. They’ve got Alice in the ER.”

  “Hey!” Jane called out after her. “Are you breaking up with me?”

  Harper spun on her heels and got a good look at the woman she was choosing to leave behind. Jane was standing between the trash can and the bench with a look of confused terror on her face. It was difficult for her to remember that she wasn’t the only one behaving badly, Jane had lied too and she’d run out on her to meet with old girlfriends. Harper knew she had a right to be angry. She also knew she had a right to protect herself from the inevitability of falling in love with someone who was never going to love her as much as she loved them.

  “I don’t know that this counts as an actual breakup since all I’ve been doing is chasing you all over this goddamn town like a fucking dog in heat.” She could hear the bitterness in her voice and had to wonder if it was misplaced on this one person she barely knew.

  “Whoa.” Jane shook her head. “Where the hell is all this coming from?”

  “You ran out on me yesterday to meet some other girl.” Harper replied. “And you did it again this morning. Twice in twenty-four hours. It’s like a thing with you.”

  “It’s not what you’re thinking.” Jane took a step toward her and Harper took a step back.

  Harper thought about that.

  Maybe this was one of those moments when something shifts in a relationship and the power balance evened out. Harper took another step away and Jane didn’t move.

  She felt like it was answer enough.

  “Harper?”

  “I get to think what I want since you never tell me what’s going on.” Harper pressed her index finger to the bridge of her glasses and pushed them up her nose. “Being with someone isn’t supposed to be this damn difficult.”

  “What is it supposed to be like?” Jane asked, her eyes wide with shock and pain.

  “I don’t know,” Harper sighed. “But so far all we’ve done is lie to each other.”

  “It’s not all we’ve done.”

  “No,” she paused. “I’ve chased and you’ve run. I’ve followed and you’ve led. If you and I stay together and we do end up falling in love it’s never going to be even between us.”

  “Why are you doing this?” Jane asked, her voice a thin, shaky whisper.

  “Because, one of us has to do it.” Her breath caught in her chest and she could feel the sharp sting of tears behind her eyes. “Because I look at you and I see all the hurt we’re going to cause one another and I just can’t let that happen.”

  “Self-preservation.” Jane crossed her arms over her and stared down at her shoes. “Lily told me it was going to bite me on the ass one day. I guess she didn’t anticipate it happening like this.”

  As much as Harper wanted to reach out to comfort her or to take back her words, she kept her hands deep in her pockets. “I need to go.”

  “Yes, you do.” Jane agreed and stepped away from her.

  Harper hesitated for a second before turning around and leaving Jane outside the hospital. The idea that she’d talked herself into making the kind of mistake that couldn’t be corrected grew with each step she, but her pride kept her from turning around to take one last look at what she was losing.

  16.

  Jane had a list of things she hated and hospitals were at the very top. It’d taken four hours of waiting and worrying to hear the news that, once they got her detoxed and on a new medication schedule, Alice was probably going to be fine. It then took another four hours to decide which floor Alice needed to go because the doctors couldn’t decide if she was a psych patient or a drug addict.

  Jane tried explaining that she was both, probably in equal amounts but all the men in the wh
ite coats seemed to want to do was direct her to the family waiting area while they called in an expert.

  It was at that moment that Jane decided to add doctors to the list of things she hated.

  “What’s going on with you and Harper?” Riley asked. He had kept relatively quiet about the fight between her and Harper, but he listened with keep interest while she told Lily and Chloe about the fight outside the ER.

  “Apparently nothing,” Jane muttered as she popped the top of her soda can. “She’s cutting her losses and heading out of town.”

  “Don’t be pissed at her.”

  “She accused me of screwing around behind her back.” Jane announced. “How can I not be pissed?”

  “I overheard her talking to Alice.” Riley looked down for a second before meeting her gaze. “Well, Alice was doing all the talking and Harper was doing all the listening.”

  “What did Alice say?” Jane stretched her legs out in front of her and prepared herself for the worst since Alice had a particular knack for ‘the worst’.

  “You’re going to have to cut her some slack.”

  “Why?” Jane

  “Because she’s sick.”

  “Riley?” She brought the can to her lips and took a sip. “You better start talking.”

  “It was right before her seizure and I’m hoping that it was just because her brain was getting ready to explode.” Riley tipped his chair back and stared down at the fancy cupcake he’d scored from a pretty CNA down the hall.

  “And?” Jane pressed. In her heart looking for absolution and another person to blame was wrong. Harper had jumped to conclusions, but she’d been right when she said she had had no choice since Jane refused to tell her what was really going on.

  “I didn’t hear all of it, but she was telling Harper you were using her to get back at Sarah and Robin,” he paused to take a bite of his cupcake. “And it wasn’t the first time she’s said it.”

  “Oh? Really?” Jane crossed her free arm over her chest and pressed the edge of the soda can against her chin.

  “I caught her at it after you asked Harper to go to the party with you. I thought she was just trying to create a little drama,” he said as he popped the top off the cupcake. “You know how she gets.”

  “I have a pretty clear idea how Alice gets.” Jane looked toward the door and willed a stranger to come into the room so she could stop having this conversation.

  “This time was different.” He took a bite and swallowed it with a grimace.

  “How?”

  “She was talking about how people were afraid of you and that you were cruel and used everyone.”

  “That’s a new one.” Jane pressed her lips together and held on the anger that swelled in her chest. She figured being pissed at someone in a hospital bed wasn’t something you were supposed to do but, carting Alice and her emotional baggage around was starting to wear her down. “Is there more?”

  “The condensed version was, you were fake and the only thing you were interested in was causing as much damage as possible.” Riley took another bite before setting the rest of the cupcake down on the seat next to him. “She told Harper that you’d been on a date with Sarah and that you were out meeting Robin. I guess when you pulled up in Robin’s car it just helped prove Alice’s case against you.”

  “I’m allowed to have breakfast with anyone I want.” Her voice reeked of defensiveness but she didn’t care. Riley was her brother, he was supposed to be on her side.

  “Which is what Harper told her but Alice wouldn’t stop talking.” Riley informed her. “I just thought you’d want to know everything before you did something you’d regret later.”

  “Why am I the one accused of doing something worth regretting?” Jane dug her fingers into her soda can till it dented in on both sides. “Maybe you didn’t overhear me talking to my friends but Harper was the one who dumped me, not the other way around.”

  “Did it ever occur to you that she was in shock?”

  “Shock?”

  Riley set his chair back on four legs and looked around the room like he was trying to chose his words carefully. “Wouldn’t you overreact and fly off the handle if you saw the person you were attempting to have a relationship getting out of an ex’s car?”

  “Let me get this straight,” Jane paused for a second to put her thoughts into some kind of order. “Harper is allowed to overreact and fly off the handle, and basically say whatever the hell she wants, but I’m not supposed to have any kind of reaction because there might be extenuating circumstances?”

  “Jane.”

  “Do you even know how much what-the-fuck you just dumped on me?” She pressed her hand to the top of her head and pushed down. It was the only thing she could think of that might stop her head from popping off her neck.

  “Can you stop talking for a second and think about what I’m trying to say?”

  “I don’t give a flying fuck what you’re trying to say,” she replied. “And no, I will not stop talking because you’re the one who brought up this whole thing with Harper, so you need to be the one who stops talking because I don’t even want to be related to you right now.”

  “You’re not making any sense,” he said in his calm, quiet and collected voice.

  “And you’re a dickhead.” She shot back. “What really sucks is that you’re the only person in this family that I can count on to be a decent human being and now you’re just being an asshole.”

  “I’m not being an asshole. I just think you need to cut Harper a little slack.

  “A little slack? You have this completely turned around and now I’m the bad guy.” She felt the breath leave her body as her words escape. The idea that Riley was leaving her to hang out to and dry by taking someone else’s side stung more than she wanted to admit. “She didn’t even give me time to explain anything. She just looked at me and that was it. She didn’t give me a choice or a chance. I got nothing and I’m done talking about it. Time to move on and get a new subject.”

  “Fine,” Riley sighed. “I guess it’s time I told you that Mom and Dad are on their way here.”

  “Wait?” she stammered as the blood rushed out of her head and flooded her heart. It was a horrible sensation that left her ice-cold and sweating. She’d been prepared to deal with Alice, and nurse her broken hear, but her parents showing up was the last straw. “What?”

  “Oh, come on. You knew they’d have to put in an appearance. Alice is their baby and she’s sick.” He let out a dry laugh before giving a shrug and going back to his cupcake.

  “You heard the doctor, he said she was going to be fine.” Jane reminded him. “They don’t need to come here.”

  Riley shook his head and gave her the big brother stare that was meant to shut her down. “The doctor also said Alice was going to need a lot of help getting things straightened out if she was going to get back to her old self.”

  “Yes, and that’s what we want?” Jane raised an eyebrow as she challenged her brother’s last statement. “Alice back to her old self? Really?”

  “You know what I mean.” Riley sighed with frustration. “She’s over medicated and she’s gonna hurt herself.”

  “So, you want the parents to come here and rescue her because they are so good at-”

  “You can’t spend your whole life being angry at them,” Riley interrupted before she had a chance to give her usual bitter speech about Iris and Anders and their mutual assholery. “You’re going to have to finish growing up and forgive them.”

  Jane pulled her hair out of the fabric band holding it up and slipped it onto her wrist. She needed to come up with a plan and she needed to do it now. Somewhere to run away to and somewhere to stay. She’d skip going back to the apartment, too many roommates asking questions they’d already asked. Hopping on the train and heading out of state seemed like her best option. Boston or Providence. It was a tossup, Boston being closer but Providence being the place no one would look for her.

  She knew she’
d have to tell Chloe and Chloe would tell Lily and Lily wouldn’t tell a living soul because, more than anyone else on Earth, Lily loved keeping secrets.

  “I need to leave.” Jane pulled the band off her wrist, gathered up her hair and tied it in a loose knot at the back of her neck. She had to get to the bus station if she was going to get to Boston in time to catch the next train to Providence. She was also going to have to put in a call to Jimmy and quit her job before she got fired for not showing up. “I have to get out of here.”

  “What about Alice?” He asked as she turned and started walking away. “What if she wakes up and you’re not here?”

  Jane spun on her heels and stared at her brother. He looked worn down and exhausted. Apparently the past few weeks had been as difficult for him as they’d been for her but she decided it was time to get some distance. “It takes less than eight hours to fly in from London. We’ve been sitting here for just under that so either Mom’s about to show up or she decided not to bother. I guess I’m not really all that interested in finding out which one of those things is true.”

  *****

  Jane closed her eyes the second her head touched the pillow and all her thoughts focused on one point in her brain.

  She was alone.

  She’d turned her phone off hours ago and now the only thing she heard was the hum off the central air system singing its love song to the mini-fridge.

  It took her nearly seven hours to get to this spot and she was going to enjoy it for as long as she could because the best kind of solitude was found in hotel rooms. Even the gross ones, the greasy roadside motels that served up moldy showers and bad cable packages, had something to offer in the way of tuning out the noise from the rest of the world.

  And right now solitude was exactly what she needed. Her life had become a sudden explosion of noise. There Alice at the head of the line, screaming and kicking for her attention while the mess with Sarah and Robin seemed to be jockeying for position. Of course, Chloe was there to fill in all the silent places while Lily served as the messenger you weren’t supposed to kill.